Some of the following statements require a couple minutes of thought….and some you’ll be thinking about for the rest of your life…
1. The only time the word ‘incorrectly’ isn’t spelled incorrectly is when it’s spelled incorrectly.
2. When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
3. The sinking of the Titanic must have been a miracle to the lobsters in the kitchen.
4. It’s possible that drug cartels are comprised exclusively of undercover DEA agents who don’t know about each other.
5. The word ‘fat’ just looks like someone took a bite out of the first letter of the word ‘Eat’.
6. Trying to get rich by playing the lottery is like trying to commit suicide by flying on commercial airlines.
7. Asking someone, “Where are you?” is a recent thing. Before we had mobile phones, the only way we could talk to people is if we knew where they were.
8. When someone else makes you laugh in your dream, your brain came up with that joke. Of course you think it’s funny.
9. Your right elbow has never been touched by your right hand.
10. Everything is or isn’t ice cream.
11. Mars is populated entirely by robots
12. If two people on opposite sides of the world each drop a piece of bread, the Earth briefly becomes a sandwich.
13. What if the Egyptians didn’t actually revere cats, but only jokingly did like we do on the internet?
14. A mullet will make you a redneck and also prevent you from getting one.
15. We will never hear about the truly perfect crime.
16. ‘Slang’ is a colloquial word for ‘colloquial word’.
17. People who say, “Don’t tell me what to do” are hypocrites.
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