Ah, Charleston. The land of sweet tea, cobblestone streets, and…wait, what was that again? Oh, right. Houses that cost more than a small Caribbean island. And the latest contender in the city’s “Who Has the Most Outrageously Priced Home” competition is a doozy: a sprawling, teal mini-mansion just north of Charleston, listed for a cool $1.2 million.
Presenting the 2 bed, 2 bath, 1,160 sqft home at 824 Seewee Bluff Road in Awendaw, SC:
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But surely, for that price, you get something truly special, right?” Like, I dunno, a moat filled with alligators to keep the riffraff out, or a personal butler who dispenses shrimp cocktail from a seashell chalice.
Well, buckle up, buttercup, because you’re in for a treat (or, more accurately, a series of existential dread-inducing realizations). For $1.2 million, you get…a house and some marshland.
The listing boasts of “an open floor plan,” which basically means there’s enough space to lose a small child (or, more likely, your sanity).
But hey, at least you’ll have plenty of space to host your weekly brunches for your fellow trust fund babies.
Of course, if $1.2 million is a bit too steep for your blood (or, more likely, your trust fund), don’t worry! There are plenty of other equally overpriced options in Charleston. You could snag a fixer-upper on Race Street for a mere $585,000, or maybe a cozy cottage downtown for just over $1.8 million. Why settle for anything less than a second mortgage and a lifetime of ramen noodles, am I right?
So come on down to Charleston, folks! Where the streets are paved with oyster shells and the sidewalks are lined with despair. Just remember to bring your checkbook, your therapist, and a healthy sense of humor. You’re gonna need it.
P.S. If you see me kayaking through the aforementioned moat, please don’t mind me. I’m just trying to escape the crushing weight of Charleston’s real estate market. And maybe snag a few free shrimp cocktails along the way.
